


A Whole Thing

by ManaGummi



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Autism, Autistic Roxas, Autistic Sora, Emotional Support, Friendship, Gen, Meltdown, Overstimulation, Sora and Roxas are platonic soulmates who are there for each other, taking big deep breaths, tfw you’re autistic and desperate for that sweet sweet rep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 18:53:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18722929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ManaGummi/pseuds/ManaGummi
Summary: Roxas tries to speak, really tries to get air in his lungs and words past his tongue, but all he manages is a stuttering exhale that sounds horribly like a sob. The pressure on his palms increases a bit, and even though he knows Sora is trying to keep him grounded Roxas can feel himself spiraling somewhere far, far away.





	A Whole Thing

The pressure of Sora’s thumbs pressing into his palms is the only thing keeping Roxas grounded right now.

Twilight Town’s open air theatre is blessedly empty, the last movie showing had ended about an hour ago and most of the viewers had already bustled home or, in the case of Roxas and his friends, to the bistro. But here he was once again, sitting on one of the plain wooden benches with the crisp evening air on his face and Sora’s hands tightly gripping his own.

”Breathe, Roxas,” Sora soothes, his voice low and mellow and his face all painted with concern. “Stay here with me, okay?”

Roxas tries to speak, really tries to get air in his lungs and words past his tongue, but all he manages is a stuttering exhale that sounds horribly like a sob. The pressure on his palms increases a bit, and even though he knows Sora is trying to keep him grounded Roxas can feel himself spiraling somewhere far, far away.

How did he even get here anyway? His last memory, if he can dredge it up through the sheer noise and panic in his mind, was at the bistro. Axel laughing at some dumb joke Xion had made and Kari showing Roxas something on her phone. Then after that there was… clattering? Something fell, loudly, and Roxas suddenly was very aware of the sheer amount of noise in the bistro, the chattering and laughter and the mix of smells in the air and the way the dim lighting hit his eyes all wrong and then he couldn’t breathe and -

“Roxas.”

He gasps, jolting back into the present where Sora is now rubbing little circles into his hands, that strange, worried look still on his face. Has anyone told Sora he looks weird when he’s worried? Worry doesn’t suit Sora, Roxas thinks dimly. Sora should be bright eyes and wide smiles, not this slight, quiet tension that drags at his eyes. Roxas thinks that maybe he should say something, anything, just to get Sora to stop looking so worried.

”I-“ he starts, stops, breathes. “I’m… okay.” The “okay” comes out watery and shaky. Very convincing, truly. But somehow, it’s enough to put a small smile on Sora’s face, enough that Roxas feels a tiny tilt forming on his own lips. “Sorry, Sora.”

His other shakes his head, spikes of hair lolling behind him. “Nope, no sorries. As long as you’re okay there’s nothing to worry about.” And there’s that bright eyed smile, easing some of the overstimulated panic in Roxas’s veins. 

He takes a breath, still shaky, but deeper and fuller than before, allowing the air to fill his lungs and flush out the way his nerves jitter and quake. “Yeah, I think I’m really okay. You can, uh- You can let go of my hands, I think.”

Obediently, Sora pulls away, and Roxas curls his fingers a few times and shakes his hands, just for the sensation. They tingle a little. Sora, he notes absently, does he same before looking back at him. ”Has that ever happened to you before, Roxas?” And Roxas knows that he means the way his body and mind completely shut down in the bistro, overwhelmed by the sensations assaulting him and feeling crushed, crushed, crushed under the weight of it all.

Roxas shakes his head. “No, at least, not that badly.” He recalls things that rubbed at him strangely, like the way Xion insists on eating ice fucking loudly or how he locks up just a bit when Axel throws himself on him, but nothing like what happened tonight. “I uh, I dunno what happened, really.“

Sora nods thoughtfully, one hand reaching up to rub at the back of his neck. “You ever heard of overstimulation?”  
Roxas shakes his head and tries not to feel stupid. He’s only existed for barely a year, he’s allowed to not know things, especially since most of his time being alive has involved non-stop movement and fighting. Sora just nods again, without judgment, and scratches his nose.

”It’s like, basically when everything is just happening too much, I guess? And you can’t really keep up with it so your brain just goes, ‘oops, all done’ and you’re just done with it. If that… makes sense?”

It does in fact make sense, considering that Roxas was pretty well past done in the bistro. Sora describes it casually and confidently, and something about that nibbles at Roxas’s mind. Faintly, he recalls the calm, careful way Sora had immediately pulled him from the bistro earlier, almost like he’d done it before. “You act like you’ve had that happen to you.”  
”Yup!” And Sora is so damn cheerful about it that Roxas starts just a touch at the exclamation. “More when I was kid, but sometimes it still happens now. It’s like, a whole thing.”

A whole thing? Roxas does not want this to be a whole thing. “I don’t really want this to be a whole thing,” he murmurs.

And Sora, who is bright and kind and empathetic, gives Roxas a sad, small smile. “Yeah, I know.” The light-filled boy’s hands fall in his lap, fidgeting slightly, and the brief silence is weird but not entirely uncomfortable. “It uh, has a name? This thing. If you wanna know it,“ Sora tries to say casually, his shoulder lifting in a faux “no big deal” shrug.  
Roxas doesn’t really want to know what it’s called, because knowing it means acknowledging that it’s a whole thing he has to deal with for possibly ever. But Sora seems to want to share, and Roxas has never been able deny Sora anything in his brief life, so he nods.

Sora brightens a little at the permission, and his hands fly up to wave animatedly as he talks. “It’s called autism, which like I can send you stuff about it but it’s basically just like, the brain processes stuff differently than most people? And like I can’t believe I didn’t think of this before but I’m autistic so I guess it would make sense that you are that and I’m super sorry I just realized that now but-“

Roxas chuckles as Sora rambles, comforted by the normalcy of Sora’s nonstop chattering. He only half listens as Sora continues explaining this new whole thing, focusing instead on his hand, the phantom pressure from Sora’s thumbs still lingering. He curls his fingers again, just to feel them move and relish in the clarity of what he’s feeling now. The air around them is getting chilly, and Roxas feels his phone vibrate in his pocket multiple times, likely his and Sora’s worried friends. Soon, he needs to go back to the bistro and let everyone know he’s fine. Soon, he needs to confront that there’s a thing, a whole thing, called autism and that he’s more than likely living with it. Soon, he needs to figure out what is is for himself so he can explain it to Xion and Axel so they can learn to deal with it as a team.

But for now Sora has launched into some story that’s probably only tangentially related to the original topic, and he’s so animated and so lively and so okay that Roxas thinks, hopefully, quietly, that maybe he can be too.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi it’s your friendly neighborhood autistic person and I’m here to say I’m desperate for representation.
> 
> I’d say find me on social media but I have hot, fresh insecurity about my writing and am posting under a name I don’t use anywhere else. Hella.


End file.
